The Angry Gardener Chronicles:
Me vs. the Fauna
“Get out of here!”
That’s me, yelling through the screen door with a fresh cup of Keurig coffee in hand. Why? Because the wildlife in my yard thinks I’m running a free buffet.
Rabbits, groundhogs, and deer—oh my. They treat my garden like it’s their personal all-you-can-eat salad bar. Once upon a time, I found them cute. My backyard was like a live-action nature documentary, and I was the peaceful observer.
But now? As a self-proclaimed gardener, I see them for what they really are: fauna turned foe. Garden bandits.
There’s something deeply satisfying about nurturing a plant from seed and watching it sprout, grow, and bloom. So yes, I get a little sensitive when my green babies are under attack.
The DIY Deterrent
When commercial sprays and homemade concoctions fail (cayenne pepper, essential oils, human hair, etc.), I turn to the only tools I have left: my hands, my voice, and whatever footwear is closest.
My go-to tactics include:
- Waving a house slipper like it’s a magic wand of doom
- Loud, uncoordinated clapping
- Dramatic yelling
Remember Mr. McGregor, the grumpy gardener chasing Peter Rabbit around with a rake? That’s me now. Only more melanated. Although I’d pass on the rabbit pie.
The Great Poppy Tragedy
This year, I started most of my garden from seed—with weeks of prep, hours of care, and even help from friends and family. I was especially proud of my poppy plant. After nurturing it indoors, I finally planted it outside, watching it grow stronger by the day.
Then—victory! A single, glorious bloom appeared. I texted far too many photos of it to my husband. But the next morning? The bloom was gone.
The petals. Just, vanished.
The following day, a second bloom opened. The next morning? Gone again.
Determined to solve the mystery, I channeled my inner Sherlock Holmes and reviewed hours of security footage. No culprits in sight. So, I carefully draped the plant with a bug net overnight.
The next morning, the petals were still intact! I smiled smugly and gently removed the net, only for the petals to float to the ground.
Garden, Lesson Learned
It turns out that poppy petals only last a few days. They weren’t being stolen... they were just doing what poppies do, blooming briefly and letting go.
That’s one reason I practice seasonal planting. This method involves growing different plants that bloom at various times, from early spring through late fall, so there’s always something in bloom. One of my favorite gardeners shares great tips on how to plan this kind of garden over at Creating Seasonal Flower and Plant Groupings.
Final Thought for My Fellow Self Seekers
Things aren’t always what they seem, and often, not nearly as bad as we first believe. Before jumping to conclusions, take a moment to pause, observe, and consider the full picture. Assuming only makes a… well, you know how the saying goes.
Don’t be a Mr. McGregor, quick to judge what you don’t yet understand. Mother Nature has her own timing, her own reasons, and we’re just one part of her cycle.
So, plant with patience, tend with care, and be present in the season you’re in. Life, like a garden, unfolds in stages. There’s beauty in each one if you take the time to notice.
This week's affirmation
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Curious about how and why I started gardening? Take a look at this blog post, Gardening helped me breathe again...Literally
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